Oops. I bought something I maybe shouldn’t have this long weekend. But then again, retail therapy is cheaper than actual therapy.
I was missing New York city a little too much on Sunday. Perhaps it’s because Autumn is my favorite time of the year (in the Northeast of the United States at least). The leaves turn different shades of auburn, gold, and red. The air gets chilly and clean again. And the thought of cozying up soon during the antisocial December months as an introvert casts a golden halo over all my days.
When Autumn comes to New York, I feel a warm glow lighting up my soul from the inside out. Being a human alive on Earth isn’t so bad after all. And all I need to cheer up from any downer is a walk in my favorite Brooklyn neighborhoods.
Knowing I won’t get to experience that kind of Autumn in California breaks my heart more than any boy on Earth could.
This weird end-of-summer, lack of fall, seasonal depression had me in a chokehold for most of this weekend. I basically spent the entire night of Saturday rotting in bed, scrolling Tiktok, and dreading waking up on Sunday. Turns out I didn’t have to dread it that much because I woke up at 4 pm when most of the day was over 😕.
When I managed to get up at a sane hour on the long weekend Monday, I was determined to turn this shitty mood around. So I went out to a coffee shop near Stanford’s campus and went window shopping in the Town & Country outdoor mall for a little “self care”.
Just as I was getting ready to leave, I saw a Diptyque store come into view. A flood of NYC nostalgia rushed into my veins. Diptyque’s candles and perfumes have gotten me through many a cold winter and even colder heartbreak in New York. Of course, they’ve also been there for my heady, euphoric moments, but I needed them less during those times.
The lovely Diptyque saleswoman, Dianna, offered help and advice, but all I wanted to do was browse and browse, and get lost in the scents that brought back so many memories.
Each Diptyque scent mapped to such a specific time period of my life. Eau Duelle for the time I went on so many first dates I couldn’t even keep their names straight (got over that phase real quick, but the scent is still a fave). Do Son for the era where I loved surfing and solo travel (who hasn’t had an early twenties adventure phase?). Eau de sens (my first FULL sized Diptyque perfume bottle) for when I missed my mom too much and wanted to wear a signature scent that reminded me of her.
And Tam Dao, for the time in college when I first got into niche scents, and decided to randomly buy a full size Diptyque perfume without ever having smelled it. I ended up having to sell it on Poshmark because I HATED how it smelled in person at that time.
Maybe my taste has evolved as I’ve grown, because smelling it now almost 10 years later, it might be one of my all time fave Diptyque scents. I’ve been wearing Maison Louis Marie’s sandalwood scent No. 4 Bois de Balincourt everyday this past summer. To say I’ve fallen in love with sandalwood is an understatement.
Tam Dao is like Bois de Balincourt’s older, wealthier, uptown sister. The coziest, warm spicy sandalwood that is PERFECT for fall / winter. It has a sultry, grown-up, after-dinner drinks by the fireplace sort of feel.
I wasn’t planning on buying anything, until I stumbled on the room sprays section while Dianna was attending to a pair of older European ladies who were asking after Diptyque shampoos they used at some hotel I imagine to be extremely fancy.
There was the ever-popular, ubiquitous Baies room bottle, that was 90% empty. It was fresh, pleasant, and luxurious as ever. Then there was Figuier, green and sparkling and Euro-summery like their cult classic Philosykos.
And then, I caught a whiff of their only golden colored room spray – Tubereuse, the scent of my first ever Diptyque candle purchase. All of a sudden, I was 26 again, in my tiny studio apartment in brownstone Brooklyn, lighting my first all-too-expensive designer candle purchase to get through an extra dark and dreary and lonely winter night.
Tuberose can be a love it or hate it kind of scent, but I’m grateful I’m firmly in the “love it” camp. To me, it smells like a tropical dream, a night in paradise in a 5 star resort in Kota Kinabalu. It reminds me in the most tumultuous moments that life is beautiful. You might be getting buried by an extra heavy wave at this current moment, but if you hold on, you’ll rise above and catch the current at just the right angle, and maybe even catch a glimpse of the most beautiful sunrise while you’re gliding to shore.
Did I plan on dropping 87$ on a room spray when I’ve already done way too much Labor Day sale online shopping? No. BUT I also don’t have a therapist or psychologist or whatever right now when I arguably need one, so I can justify this purchase using GIRL MATH.
When I was checking out, Dianna asked whether I was new to the Bay Area after she spotted my past New York purchases on Diptyque’s customer registrar page. I miraculously kept my composure and exchanged some casual quips with her about how rough the Bay Area is, relative to my beloved NYC and her equivalent, London. I have a feeling I’ll be seeing Dianna again, in the not so distant future.
Anyways, I think the real takeaway from this little life snapshot is that beauty heals. Beauty is food for the soul. It truly gives us the strength to go on. At least it does for me.
(get me tf out of california plz).
